My Attempted Worknight in 5 Acts

 

ACT I

Oh hey, good to see you, too.

Aside: they shuffle up to me slowly and greet me as if they don’t think I’ll respond. It’s off-putting.

Ah! Yeah, I heard about you. Good to finally meet you. What’re you two up to tonight?

Aside: they’re clearly planning on camping out in their room with the wine and cheese they’re carrying in the bags at their sides. I eyeball the gouda and I think they think I’m eyeballing them. Oops.

Great! Cool! Yeah, I’m just hanging out tonight. Working a bit. Yeah, burning the midnight oil, I know. I’ll catch you next time though. Thanks, you too.

Aside: I know they’re leaving the next morning. It would be nice to join them, but I only have so much time to myself, and each and every action taken on the Internet connection from the McDonald’s across the street is taking a few minutes to resolve. It’s going to be a long night.

ACT II

Hello!

Aside: cheers. They say cheers here. Cheers! No. Too late.

Well thanks, you’re quite good-looking yourself.

Aside: I’ve always struggled with what to say when a guy hits on me. My first reaction is to give a similar compliment back, but then I wonder if I might be accidentally leading him on. I don’t want to be accused of being a tease.

Ah, geez, I really appreciate the offer but I’m actually not drinking tonight. How long will you be staying here? Ah, that’s a bummer. The world is conspiring against us! I’ve really got to get this done though, otherwise I’d totally be down.

Aside: ah, that worked out well. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but he’s clearly not interested in a night of philosophical conversation and deep thoughts. Unless you’re using philosophy as a metaphor for sex, in which case that’s exactly what he’s intending. A really intense philosophical discussion.

Have a good enough time for the both of us though, okay? Ciao.

Aside: he winks at me as he turns and leaves. Who winks? Even without the whole being straight thing, I still dodged a bullet there.

ACT III

Hey, no problem, yeah, have a seat.

Aside: it’s cool, I’m just working here. It’s kind of like the vacation you’re clearly on. Basically the same thing actually. Want to use my computer, too? No? Dandy.

Nah, just trying to finish some stuff up before tomorrow. Nothing super-important, but trying to stay ahead of the game, and I’m still recovering from last weekend. Yeah, haha, I know.

Aside: there, we’ve established chumminess. Are we good?

Copenhagen, huh? That’s really cool. I hear good things. What brings you here? Great! That’s the way to do it, right?

Aside: nope! It’s life story time. Tell me all about your expense account and why you’re in the hostel to sleep with girls 20 years your junior. Ah, good, thanks. Didn’t even have to ask.

Well cool. I’d better get back to this, but it was..oh, yeah, me too. Yeah, it’s kind of what I do. Well, part of what I do. What they pay me for anyway. Yeah, haha, not too bad.

Aside: well at least you’re able to feign interest in what I do. Well played, chappy.

No, no phone number here. Just in transit, so no SIM card in this country. Yeah, definitely shoot me an email and we’ll get together if we’re both still in town. That sounds great! Absolutely.

Aside: as fun as this is, I’d really like to avoid being your wingman the rest of the time I’m in town. I know exactly how that works – you pay for everything while I bring the 20-something girls into the group for you to hit on – and I’m just really not feeling it right now. Not here. Not in Australia. Oi.

Awesome, well thanks! And have fun! Talk to you later.

Aside: hell, what do I do with this drink that he brought me? Damnit. *glug glug*

ACT IV

Hi.

Aside: she’s kind of cute. Dark-skinned and European-looking. Late-20′s or early-30′s I’d say. Looks like some kind of professional. Account executive at an ad firm maybe? Lawyer?

Oh yeah, it’s a bar attached to the hostel. You know, like a cheap hotel for international people who are in town. Yeah, and there’s a bar attached. Yeah, I guess you can just go in. I don’t think they’ll stop you.

Aside: strange, I can’t tell if she’s drunk or foreign. Her English is certainly slurred a good deal. Funny that she doesn’t seem to know what a hostel is.

Ah, sorry, I’m actually sitting out here so I can get some work done, otherwise I’d join you. Yeah, it’s kind of important. Writing a blog post, actually. It’s like a site where you write about whatever you like and people read it. Yeah, they’ve been around a while. Haha, yeah, I imagine I would write about that, but I doubt I could afford you, haha.

Aside: annnnnnd, she doesn’t know what a blog is. Flattering that she wants me to come inside with her for a drink, but the way she phrased the question was strange. Something like ‘Come inside, buy me and have a drink’ instead of ‘Come inside and buy me a drink.’ Maybe the joke will make her realize her mistake.

Well that’s very generous, but I’m really just taking a quiet night. Yeah, thanks a lot for the offer though. Good luck with that!

Aside: ope, okay. She’s a prostitute. Definitely a professional, but not the kind I thought. Yeesh.

ACT V

Whoa, hey – no, it’s fine, just missed me. No harm done.

Aside: I seriously almost just died. I almost died by getting smacked in the head with a billiard ball. This is a deep moment. I need to take a second.

Yeah, this is a pretty damn good song. You pick it? Nice. Good choice, man.

Aside: because who doesn’t like Nickelback? Especially when they almost just died? Christ, even this song sounds like the sweetest sound I ever heard. I could have been lying right there. Dead.

Ah, thanks. Yeah, I figure since I do all my work on the computer, I should get a decent one.

Aside: you know what? I think the ball would have hit my head and then fallen right on the computer! So even if I would have survived, I wouldn’t have had anything left to live for! A shattered Macbook Pro, a shattered skull and shattered dreams.

From the States, yeah. You? Ah, cool! I didn’t know locals hung out here. Ah, I can see that…you’re kind of like the welcoming committee then, right? Nice.

Aside: I wonder what the health care is like here. My traveler’s health insurance ran out a week ago…would the local hospitals have helped me? How much would it have cost? Would there have been enough pieces intact to keep my brain from getting squashed? Would this guy just have ran out? Would they just have laughed and kept drunkenly playing? Probably the last one.

Nah, I can’t really go out tonight; this is close enough to the party for me at the moment. Yeah, gotta’ get this done and then I think I’m going to turn in early. I know, I know, but that just leaves more beer and women for you, right?

Aside: I need to sleep. And work up a last will and testament. Just in case.

Right. Go get ‘em, tiger.

Aside: I’m so not getting any work done tonight.

photo by Amber Rae

19 comments

  1. Ok, this is going to be… ok can’t hold it… LMAO…

    Ok back to my usual self, very interesting post, at least you got material to write, I do hope you are ok, those billiard balls are really dangerous things.

    I guess we both like quit spaces to work and somewhat lively spaces to get social, but in the end those don’t mix well. See the good side of things… you are alive your Mac is still ok, and you will gift us with a good deal of laughs.

  2. Ok, this is going to be… ok can’t hold it… LMAO…

    Ok back to my usual self, very interesting post, at least you got material to write, I do hope you are ok, those billiard balls are really dangerous things.

    I guess we both like quit spaces to work and somewhat lively spaces to get social, but in the end those don’t mix well. See the good side of things… you are alive your Mac is still ok, and you will gift us with a good deal of laughs.

  3. Sometimes I feel like a cop-out because I use the topic of writing or blogging in and of itself, and that’s what I’m doing now. The worst is when you have no other subject material to work with and truly do use that excuse for a post. But then again, they are very valid and valuable things to write about.

    Though, there are always other things to inspire topics and subjects. All that needs to happen is for the writer or person in need of a topic to go out and do something. Keep a mental eye open in the back of the mind; something always comes up.

    And if it doesn’t, then it really just sucks to be you, or in many cases… me.

  4. Sometimes I feel like a cop-out because I use the topic of writing or blogging in and of itself, and that’s what I’m doing now. The worst is when you have no other subject material to work with and truly do use that excuse for a post. But then again, they are very valid and valuable things to write about.

    Though, there are always other things to inspire topics and subjects. All that needs to happen is for the writer or person in need of a topic to go out and do something. Keep a mental eye open in the back of the mind; something always comes up.

    And if it doesn’t, then it really just sucks to be you, or in many cases… me.

  5. Ever since reading your post on life in youth hostels, I’ve been kind of mulling over your blogging/traveling lifestyle. I suppose in a way, I’m doing the same thing but on a much more low key and slower-moving scale.

    I’ve actually been wondering about the lack of privacy (I actually will go to the dark side if people talk to me while I’m writing-blog, story, letter, novel or grocery list). Can’t take interruption! During the hostel days, I used to actually find ways to spend lots of time alone . . .by visiting random parts of the city etc.

    I was also wondering . . .is it problematic to travel all over with your computer. I know you travel light, but when I was on the road, no matter how little I had, it always felt like too much! And that was without a computer.

    Just curious–

    But the post was funny.

  6. LOL! What an adventure!

    I have trouble getting work done sometimes, too, but usually that’s because of my own distractions.

    Tonight, for example, I’m watching an engaging episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Very distracting!

    Kelly Wright: Hey, I like Nickelback, too! :-)

    -William Clements

  7. LOL! What an adventure!

    I have trouble getting work done sometimes, too, but usually that’s because of my own distractions.

    Tonight, for example, I’m watching an engaging episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Very distracting!

    Kelly Wright: Hey, I like Nickelback, too! :-)

    -William Clements

  8. @Alejandro: Haha, thanks Alejandro! I’m happy to be alive and ROFLing my readers, as well!

    @Tim: Yeah, it’s really amazing what can end up being an interesting experience when you keep your eyes peeled for details and think about it later, looking out for lessons learned.

    @Kelly: For realzies.

    @Simple in France: I actually would feel VERY alone without my computer. And a bit uninspired, I think. Since I do a lot of my work on the computer (design, writing, etc) and use it as a replacement for many things (anything having to do with paper, mostly, but also long-distance communication), going without is tough. That being said, I think there will be a time when I’ll be able to do my job from something smaller (I’m down to a 13″ Macbook Pro at this point, but an iPhone wouldn’t have enough juice to do what I need it to do), but right now this is just perfect for my lifestyle.

    @Maren K: Haha, thanks! I actually was, back in the day. A political cartoonist, believe it or not.

    @William: Ah, TV will do that. Helps to just get rid of the thing, trust me!

  9. @Alejandro: Haha, thanks Alejandro! I’m happy to be alive and ROFLing my readers, as well!

    @Tim: Yeah, it’s really amazing what can end up being an interesting experience when you keep your eyes peeled for details and think about it later, looking out for lessons learned.

    @Kelly: For realzies.

    @Simple in France: I actually would feel VERY alone without my computer. And a bit uninspired, I think. Since I do a lot of my work on the computer (design, writing, etc) and use it as a replacement for many things (anything having to do with paper, mostly, but also long-distance communication), going without is tough. That being said, I think there will be a time when I’ll be able to do my job from something smaller (I’m down to a 13″ Macbook Pro at this point, but an iPhone wouldn’t have enough juice to do what I need it to do), but right now this is just perfect for my lifestyle.

    @Maren K: Haha, thanks! I actually was, back in the day. A political cartoonist, believe it or not.

    @William: Ah, TV will do that. Helps to just get rid of the thing, trust me!

  10. Seriously this can only be fully appreciated when you’ve lived it. Productivity in a hostel is about as absurd as celibacy in a brothel. Then there’s the hostelbars, which it sounds like you were in. FORGET IT. I vaguely remember one night of my own ‘focused productivity’ in a Czech hostelbar, which devolved into a regrettable absinthe-fueled conference call in the middle of Old Town Square, while sporting a pink boa & cowboy hat stolen from the bachelorette party I was so hastily returning to. Damn you green fairy.

    Killer narrative here – captures it. This is why I’ve started seeking out killer co-working spaces for my focused work. We hang at one in BKK, it’s fantastic. Full of entrepreneurs, freelancers, academics and media folks. Everyone’s there to do their thing, not keep you from doing yours.

  11. Seriously this can only be fully appreciated when you’ve lived it. Productivity in a hostel is about as absurd as celibacy in a brothel. Then there’s the hostelbars, which it sounds like you were in. FORGET IT. I vaguely remember one night of my own ‘focused productivity’ in a Czech hostelbar, which devolved into a regrettable absinthe-fueled conference call in the middle of Old Town Square, while sporting a pink boa & cowboy hat stolen from the bachelorette party I was so hastily returning to. Damn you green fairy.

    Killer narrative here – captures it. This is why I’ve started seeking out killer co-working spaces for my focused work. We hang at one in BKK, it’s fantastic. Full of entrepreneurs, freelancers, academics and media folks. Everyone’s there to do their thing, not keep you from doing yours.

  12. Kudos for you with attempting to continue workings. I think I would have given up (or given in) by the end of that one.

  13. Kudos for you with attempting to continue workings. I think I would have given up (or given in) by the end of that one.

  14. The first thing that caught my eye in your post was the picture. The expression on your face was priceless and I think we all have been there at some point in our lives.

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