Posted on March 16, 2010 by Colin

My Attempted Worknight in 5 Acts

 

ACT I

Oh hey, good to see you, too.

Aside: they shuffle up to me slowly and greet me as if they don’t think I’ll respond. It’s off-putting.

Ah! Yeah, I heard about you. Good to finally meet you. What’re you two up to tonight?

Aside: they’re clearly planning on camping out in their room with the wine and cheese they’re carrying in the bags at their sides. I eyeball the gouda and I think they think I’m eyeballing them. Oops.

Great! Cool! Yeah, I’m just hanging out tonight. Working a bit. Yeah, burning the midnight oil, I know. I’ll catch you next time though. Thanks, you too.

Aside: I know they’re leaving the next morning. It would be nice to join them, but I only have so much time to myself, and each and every action taken on the Internet connection from the McDonald’s across the street is taking a few minutes to resolve. It’s going to be a long night.

ACT II

Hello!

Aside: cheers. They say cheers here. Cheers! No. Too late.

Well thanks, you’re quite good-looking yourself.

Aside: I’ve always struggled with what to say when a guy hits on me. My first reaction is to give a similar compliment back, but then I wonder if I might be accidentally leading him on. I don’t want to be accused of being a tease.

Ah, geez, I really appreciate the offer but I’m actually not drinking tonight. How long will you be staying here? Ah, that’s a bummer. The world is conspiring against us! I’ve really got to get this done though, otherwise I’d totally be down.

Aside: ah, that worked out well. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but he’s clearly not interested in a night of philosophical conversation and deep thoughts. Unless you’re using philosophy as a metaphor for sex, in which case that’s exactly what he’s intending. A really intense philosophical discussion.

Have a good enough time for the both of us though, okay? Ciao.

Aside: he winks at me as he turns and leaves. Who winks? Even without the whole being straight thing, I still dodged a bullet there.

ACT III

Hey, no problem, yeah, have a seat.

Aside: it’s cool, I’m just working here. It’s kind of like the vacation you’re clearly on. Basically the same thing actually. Want to use my computer, too? No? Dandy.

Nah, just trying to finish some stuff up before tomorrow. Nothing super-important, but trying to stay ahead of the game, and I’m still recovering from last weekend. Yeah, haha, I know.

Aside: there, we’ve established chumminess. Are we good?

Copenhagen, huh? That’s really cool. I hear good things. What brings you here? Great! That’s the way to do it, right?

Aside: nope! It’s life story time. Tell me all about your expense account and why you’re in the hostel to sleep with girls 20 years your junior. Ah, good, thanks. Didn’t even have to ask.

Well cool. I’d better get back to this, but it was..oh, yeah, me too. Yeah, it’s kind of what I do. Well, part of what I do. What they pay me for anyway. Yeah, haha, not too bad.

Aside: well at least you’re able to feign interest in what I do. Well played, chappy.

No, no phone number here. Just in transit, so no SIM card in this country. Yeah, definitely shoot me an email and we’ll get together if we’re both still in town. That sounds great! Absolutely.

Aside: as fun as this is, I’d really like to avoid being your wingman the rest of the time I’m in town. I know exactly how that works – you pay for everything while I bring the 20-something girls into the group for you to hit on – and I’m just really not feeling it right now. Not here. Not in Australia. Oi.

Awesome, well thanks! And have fun! Talk to you later.

Aside: hell, what do I do with this drink that he brought me? Damnit. *glug glug*

ACT IV

Hi.

Aside: she’s kind of cute. Dark-skinned and European-looking. Late-20′s or early-30′s I’d say. Looks like some kind of professional. Account executive at an ad firm maybe? Lawyer?

Oh yeah, it’s a bar attached to the hostel. You know, like a cheap hotel for international people who are in town. Yeah, and there’s a bar attached. Yeah, I guess you can just go in. I don’t think they’ll stop you.

Aside: strange, I can’t tell if she’s drunk or foreign. Her English is certainly slurred a good deal. Funny that she doesn’t seem to know what a hostel is.

Ah, sorry, I’m actually sitting out here so I can get some work done, otherwise I’d join you. Yeah, it’s kind of important. Writing a blog post, actually. It’s like a site where you write about whatever you like and people read it. Yeah, they’ve been around a while. Haha, yeah, I imagine I would write about that, but I doubt I could afford you, haha.

Aside: annnnnnd, she doesn’t know what a blog is. Flattering that she wants me to come inside with her for a drink, but the way she phrased the question was strange. Something like ‘Come inside, buy me and have a drink’ instead of ‘Come inside and buy me a drink.’ Maybe the joke will make her realize her mistake.

Well that’s very generous, but I’m really just taking a quiet night. Yeah, thanks a lot for the offer though. Good luck with that!

Aside: ope, okay. She’s a prostitute. Definitely a professional, but not the kind I thought. Yeesh.

ACT V

Whoa, hey – no, it’s fine, just missed me. No harm done.

Aside: I seriously almost just died. I almost died by getting smacked in the head with a billiard ball. This is a deep moment. I need to take a second.

Yeah, this is a pretty damn good song. You pick it? Nice. Good choice, man.

Aside: because who doesn’t like Nickelback? Especially when they almost just died? Christ, even this song sounds like the sweetest sound I ever heard. I could have been lying right there. Dead.

Ah, thanks. Yeah, I figure since I do all my work on the computer, I should get a decent one.

Aside: you know what? I think the ball would have hit my head and then fallen right on the computer! So even if I would have survived, I wouldn’t have had anything left to live for! A shattered Macbook Pro, a shattered skull and shattered dreams.

From the States, yeah. You? Ah, cool! I didn’t know locals hung out here. Ah, I can see that…you’re kind of like the welcoming committee then, right? Nice.

Aside: I wonder what the health care is like here. My traveler’s health insurance ran out a week ago…would the local hospitals have helped me? How much would it have cost? Would there have been enough pieces intact to keep my brain from getting squashed? Would this guy just have ran out? Would they just have laughed and kept drunkenly playing? Probably the last one.

Nah, I can’t really go out tonight; this is close enough to the party for me at the moment. Yeah, gotta’ get this done and then I think I’m going to turn in early. I know, I know, but that just leaves more beer and women for you, right?

Aside: I need to sleep. And work up a last will and testament. Just in case.

Right. Go get ‘em, tiger.

Aside: I’m so not getting any work done tonight.

photo by Amber Rae