Posted on May 8, 2013 by Colin

Harmonious Independence

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It’s said that if you want a relationship to succeed — to last — you have to make sacrifices.

I strongly disagree.

It’s important to bend when dealing with other people on any level, sure, but that doesn’t mean you should break. If you have to give up what’s important to you in order to be with someone else, it’s very possible you’re with the wrong person. This applies to business relationships, friendships, and more-than-friendships equally. Why on earth would you want to give up what makes you, you, in order to be with someone? And why would you want anyone else to do the same?

There’s a phrase I use to describe what I look for in relationships: harmonious independence. It means that you are you, with or without anyone else. You are complete.

At the same time, your independent spirit plays well with others. You don’t expect anyone else to give up what makes them happy in order to be in your life, nor would you want them to expect it of you. Instead, you support each other in all things. Their personality traits, goals, idiosyncrasies, and other relationships are the reason you want them in your life.

Each of you being whole, independent people is what makes the relationship worthwhile in the first place. You have your own lives, but you meet in the middle because you want to. Your completeness supports their completeness and allows you to become an even better version of yourself in the exchange. As a result, you can be tied as loosely or closely as makes sense for your situation — in either case, you contribute to each other’s lives in a positive way.

A relationship worth having does not require you to be anyone but the best possible version of yourself.