The most fundamental thing to remember when interacting with other human beings is that they are people, just like you.
This shouldn’t be a heterodox statement, yet much of what’s published in the “how to flirt,” “how to network,” “how to be confident in social settings” thinkpiece space seems to center the experience of one person at the expense of the other. So here we are.
If you’re engaging with another person, whatever your intentions with that person, remember that they are just as conscious, complicated, and three-dimensional as you are. Other people are not a game to be played, they’re not a lever to be pulled, they’re not an exotic puzzle to figure out, they’re not a monster to be fought or NPC to be exploited.
We might, at times and in some contexts, necessarily abstract away the full complexity of human-to-human interpersonal dynamics (in highly formalized work environments where it’s prudent to operate as a node in a larger system and to treat others the same, for instance). Almost always, though, as a default, you’ll be better served by thinking of people as people and then treating them accordingly.
To behave otherwise is to do a disservice to both that other person and yourself. You miss out on whatever gifts you might have gleaned through exposure to their presence, to their perspective, to their knowledge and know-how. They miss out on everything you have to offer. You’re both shortchanged by your decision to superficialize the relationship and treat them as something they’re not.
I don’t care what that dating guru, life coach, or networking influencer says: if you act as if you’re the only person that matters, like you’re the only thinking, feeling, conscious being with agency, don’t be surprised if you struggle to connect with other humans in any meaningful way.
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