On a semi-regular basis, I go through a period where I question essentially everything I do and how I do those things in an attempt to bring my behaviors into alignment with the most up-to-date iteration of myself.
This flurry of self-updating often aligns with some kind of milestone moment: the beginning of some new life chapter like a move or a birthday or a breakup. But not always.
Sometimes the desire to work through this kind of assessment-and-recalibration process comes out of nowhere, triggered by a sense that something is a little bit off; a subtle vibe that I’ve learned to heed, even when it’s inconvenient to do so.
This questioning period is defined in large part by trying to observe, identify, and if necessary change some of the things I do, and this can apply to everything from the components of my workout routine to the way I respond, emotionally, to being intentionally or unintentionally hurt by someone else.
The goal is to become more conscious of my current status quo so that I can then question the whys behind all those hows from an informed perspective.
Why do I perform those specific stretches before doing pushups? Why do I set the skillet in that spot after cooking that particular dish? Why do I buy that brand of coffee beans? Why does that particular type of social interaction make me feel so psychologically drained?
From there, I can determine which of these whys make sense for who I am today, and which are optimized for who I was at some other point in my life, or perhaps some version of myself who has never existed.
Those latter two categories of behavior can then be tweaked or replaced as is appropriate, and in theory at least, my actions should iteratively become more aligned with my beliefs, ideals, and what seems to be best for me based on my current understanding of “best.”
Most of us go through some version of this routine periodically throughout our lives, but I personally find that paying conscious attention to it and formalizing it in this more structured way helps convert a process that can be a little bit alarming and stressful into something that feels like more of a project: something over which I have more control and which I’m consciously aware I’m doing, as opposed the “midlife-crisis”-esque shape such a proceeding can otherwise take.
Approaching such shifts in this way also makes them more portable and both chronologically and volumetrically adaptable. Rather than waiting for an external spark to catalyze such an assessment every decade or so, it’s possible to focus on this type of endeavor for a week once a year, every few months, or every couple of years and then move on with your life.
You can also apply it to just one aspect of your life—work maybe, your relationships, or your dietary habits—and thus keep the ensuing adjustments relegated to just a few facets of your life at any one time, making them more focused and manageable.
If you’re keen to make this process a consistent, semi-regular part of your life, though, diffusing it throughout your day in addition to periodic, larger shifts, it can be valuable to simply ask yourself—about pretty much anything and whenever it makes sense to do so—“am I the me that this behavior was made for?”
If yes, excellent—continue as you were.
If no, consider how you might change things so that you can answer in the affirmative.
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