Hi Colin,

I have a question that I have been wrestling with as a graduate student.

I’m living 2,000 miles away from home, haven’t found a community where I’m currently living, and the work that I am doing is interesting, but ultimately not the work I came to school for.

I recognize that when we are pursuing goals or dreams there are inevitable setbacks, obstacles, struggles. But I also think the pursuit of such dreams or goals shouldn’t be relentlessly miserable.

So my question is: how do you differentiate between when the struggle is something to overcome or push through versus when it is a signal to stop or alter the path you are currently on?

Thanks,

Maya

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Hey Maya-

A good heuristic for this is to ask yourself whether you’re growing during the struggle, or whether it’s more of a struggle for the sake of struggling.

In almost every case, there’s something valuable about even fairly abysmal situations in which you might find yourself, and recognizing this can help you both amplify the benefits and change your perspective on what you’re doing: it’s not worthless, it’s valuable, therefore you have something to be excited about, growth to track, and so on.

That said, there are situations in which the barriers you try to leap aren’t standing between you and anything you might want to achieve, in which case a pivot might be in order—as you mentioned.

One perspective to consider here is that, in reality, there are no worthless paths, and if you happen to be walking one that’s taking you in a direction you didn’t anticipate or hope for, it’s your responsibility to find value in it nonetheless. Kind of a Stoic approach, in that it’s about controlling your response to your environment and the situation in which you find yourself, rather than trying to control the environment and situation, themselves.

Another perspective is that if you can exercise control over the path you’re walking, why wouldn’t you?

In which case it might make sense to give yourself regular check-in dates when you’ll assess and reassess your circumstances, and coldly calculate whether or not you’ve gained anything in the past month, for instance, or the past four months.

Giving yourself time to process reminds you that you’ve got a way out if you want it—you’ve given yourself permission to consider pivoting to try something else, if this doesn’t go your way—which can be a liberating thought when you’re slogging your way through something that might not be immediately gratifying, but which may help you eventually find a diamond in the rough.

It also provides you with deadlines, which can serve as part of a framework that helps you see what’s working and what’s not, so you can then tweak the variables to achieve better results over time.

In many cases, massive overhauls aren’t required to recalibrate toward something more optimal, and making small changes—iterations instead of revolutions—can allow you to get more of what you want without risking the many negative consequences complete refurbishments can spark.

And finally, this way of approaching things can provide you with a sense of control over something that can otherwise seem endless, purposeless, and rudderless.

It’s remarkable what the impression of authority over your own destiny can do for your perception of your day-to-day life. Challenges that seemed pointless become pointed, and barriers that felt insurmountable become interesting Everests to ascend.

One more perspective to consider is that whatever you choose—sticking with it and unearthing meaning along the way, or pivoting to something new and finding satisfaction in that change—you can have a positive, valuable, life-altering-for-the-better experience.

There’s no inherently wrong choice, as long as you’re determined to make the most of the time you have on Earth and are willing to continue checking in with yourself, your priorities, and the paths you might traverse to achieve them.

Any path you take will expose you to different things, but they can all get you to where you need to be if you maintain a malleable and inquisitive sense of self, a desire for personal growth and refinement, and a healthy mind and body.